Just a quick little thing I realized about myself today. When a regular ordinary guy starts to show interest in me, I immediately back off, become slightly cold and make sure the guy knows my intentions. Why am I like this? It’s pretty crazy. I don’t like to let anyone get too close. Maybe that’s why I’ve been single for pretty much forever. LOL I’m the weirdest person ever.

I just need for you to understand. I want you to talk to me and help me feel comfortable around you. I can’t be the one coming up to you all the time for advice and everything. I hit rock bottom and I need you to know that. I would love it if we had those relationships where we’re best friends and I’m not afraid to tell you how I’m feeling without being judged. Sigh.

Please, please, please let me get what I want this time. I need this now more than ever. Please.

Second day in a row where I’ve laid down in my bed and silently cried. I have to get my shit together..

On another note, you know what really fucking sucks? When you get over something and then that something happens to come running back into your life and make you feel those feelings you tucked away long ago all over again. I am just literally done with everything. Why do I even care…..

Today was super successful. Danielle picked me up and we went literally everywhere and filled out as many job applications as we could. Hopefully we both get some summer jobs soon. Today was a win.

Jess, you are so pathetic.

Can’t bring myself to formulate words and express what I feel to you so I’ll let you go first like I have since last summer sigh

It’s so weird how I don’t even know you well but yet I find you so unbelievably attractive. Oh my god. I don’t even have any idea why. You’re so not my type at all but for some reason, holy crap, you’re asdklfjsa 

It’s 2:43 AM. Probably not a good idea if I’m up this late blogging. Might start saying some weird shit but oh well, here I am anyway. Man… why is life so hard? Why can’t I just go to school for 2 years and become an orthodontist instead of spending so much money and 10 years in school? WHY ISN’T LIFE SIMPLE? I’ve counted the amount of times I’ve teared up and cried today. It’s been about 9. Don’t be concerned though. I’m just indecisive and overwhelmed. Who am I even talking to? It’s like I’m speaking to an audience even though I know I’m the only one who will read this. Okay I need sleep